I can't believe we have our first RE appointment next week! It's kind of crazy! We have been talking about doing this for YEARS. Finally, kind of on the spur of the moment we are going. That $275 fee is one of the reasons I have been putting it off for so long. And that is only the very beginning of all the money we will have to shell out for this. I am hoping that fee covers any U/S or blood work they decide to do at the first appt, because it's all the extra money we will have at that point!
From now on, we have to budget our money a lot better. Spend less on groceries, eat out less, turn in all our recycles for money, use coupons! We can afford the consultation, the blood work and the SA, but after that it will be difficult. I know it's a long process, but I am already focused on how to pay $20,000+ for IVF. Scary!
So today I was such a range of emotions! I got excited, hopeful, then angry and resentful. I had moments of pessimism where I felt like they are going to tell me I am barren and DH is shooting blanks.. at other moments I felt like our time is finally coming. I don't know. It was a really long day. I have been eating terrible for about 2 weeks now. So much stress in all aspects of my life right now!
It's almost 9 and time for bed! I need to get up early and leave early tomorrow so I can pick up something for Michelle's Birthday.. I was supposed to do it today, but it was raining and I didn't feel like stopping on the way home.
Anyways.. I will update when we get back from the appt on the 19th!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
They really want my money
45 minutes after faxing the forms to SDFC, they called me back to set up an appointment! Our consultation is Feb. 19th at 9 AM, and the fee is $275 if Aetna doesn't want to approve it. Yikes! Time to work all the OT I can!
Step 1... Check!
So I called Dr. L today asking for a referral to the SDFC. They will call me in a few days with the approval. I am hoping I won't have to pay the consultation fee at the SDFC. The New Patient Coordinator returned my email today (yay for being prompt) saying she would call me when they receive the faxed application I faxed this afternoon.
I told DH that the consultation fee is $250 if Aetna decides not to cover it.. he was like.. WHAT?! Haha. I told him that's just the beginning of the money we will be shelling out!
I told DH that the consultation fee is $250 if Aetna decides not to cover it.. he was like.. WHAT?! Haha. I told him that's just the beginning of the money we will be shelling out!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
San Diego Fertility Clinic
So after thinking it through, we decided to go ahead and schedule the initial consultation at the SDFC. It will be our very first RE visit. I just filled out the paperwork and will be going to Kinkos tomorrow after work to fax it. I also need to call my Obgyn tomorrow to get their fax # so I can send them the medical records release form. Also I read somewhere on the SDFC website that the consultation *might* be covered at least partially if my Obgyn refers me there. So I need to ask about that soon. Oh boy! I haven't dealt with them since the SA drama last year. Last JULY! I can't believe it has been that long. And they haven't even called to ask what I wanted to do next. Screw em!
As far as insurance goes, I don't think much of anything will be covered. I am hoping the SDFC can claim my blood work as medically necessary. That would be nice! Calling Aetna is useless.. I have tried that. They can never really tell me what is and isn't covered. The Clomid ended up being covered, which was a surprise. So that gives me a little hope!
I plan on saving all of my profits from my Etsy shop for Infertility testing & treatments. It won't begin to cover it, but hopefully it will help. We do need a 2nd car too.. maybe not something brand new, but something reliable. It's getting hard for us to share a car! As far as buying a house goes, it's not really a priority to me right now. We have the rest of our lives to buy a house, but I only have a few more "fertile" years left!
I think that's all the update I have for now! I can't wait for them to call us back with an appointment date!
As far as insurance goes, I don't think much of anything will be covered. I am hoping the SDFC can claim my blood work as medically necessary. That would be nice! Calling Aetna is useless.. I have tried that. They can never really tell me what is and isn't covered. The Clomid ended up being covered, which was a surprise. So that gives me a little hope!
I plan on saving all of my profits from my Etsy shop for Infertility testing & treatments. It won't begin to cover it, but hopefully it will help. We do need a 2nd car too.. maybe not something brand new, but something reliable. It's getting hard for us to share a car! As far as buying a house goes, it's not really a priority to me right now. We have the rest of our lives to buy a house, but I only have a few more "fertile" years left!
I think that's all the update I have for now! I can't wait for them to call us back with an appointment date!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Another Update & a little hope
So first off, I am updating all 3 of my blogs with my weight loss progress.. since I have different followers for each :) If you follow all 3, thank you and I'm sorry for the repeat info!
Today marks my 4th and final weigh in for this month! I have been "dieting" for 4 weeks now!
I have lost a total of 14.4 lbs... I went from 259.5 to 245.1.. pretty good for 1 month! I don't remember the exact numbers but I lost somewhere around 6 lbs the first week (probably a lot of water weight), 4 lbs the second week, not much the third, and a couple more lbs during this 4th week. I am learning a lot about good vs bad foods, what "healthy" foods I like, and good substitutes for my favorite "bad" foods. I eat a lot more fruit & veggies now, salads, low-fat cheeses, whole wheat bread, and lots more fiber!
Ok so now to the second part of my update!
Do you remember how I said we came up with a new plan.. no TTC'ing this year, but starting again in 2011 full-force? Well that's still happening! I know it will be hard not to "try" but it will be worth it! Basically there are several reasons for doing it this way. First, we need the break! Secondly, we are trying to improve our finances, buy a 2nd car, and buy a small house. We probably won't do all of that in just one short year, but we can at least start saving money and paying off debt. It will make everything much easier in the long run! And lastly, I am spending this year losing weight & getting healthy.. which you already know!
It's still hard. I still have moments where I feel like all there is in my head is screaming. Days where I snap at everyone for nothing and nobody knows why.. mostly they think I'm just a moody bitch, which is fine. It's an easier explanation than the truth sometimes. With explanations come questions, and quite frankly I'm not ready for that part. Having to tell everyone our story, over and over again. A few friends know and I have been lucky because they have been nothing but supportive. My mom and stepdad and stepsister know everything.. they have been amazing! I even told my Dad.. kind of. He did the typical male grunt, the official act of being awkward and uncomfortable. I smiled because he didn't get up and walk away but tried to understand what the hell I was talking about. We don't talk much anyways, so I'm sure he was more surprised by that than anything I was saying. I mean you have to figure most people with half a brain can figure it out. We have been married almost 10 years, no kids. Everyone knows I miscarried 5 years ago and no news since then. Nobody thinks I don't want kids, I don't hide the fact. Not one person I have told has given me the "What?!" response.
I have been reading a lot of Infertility blogs recently. And even though we have been TTC for longer, we haven't been through near as much as these couples. Really no procedures (other than my LAP), no needles, no tests. All of the emotional pain is the same.. but different somehow. I can't really place the difference, it just is. I think everyone deals with infertility differently. Some use it as fuel to try harder, seek options, do what they have to do. Others use it as an escape and hide how they feel. The third way is to leave the pain on your shoulder for everyone to see. I don't know if there is a wrong or right way to feel. For me I guess I choose option 4. Sometimes I let it get to me, when I overthink things. But in those moments I lash out and people don't know WHY I am doing it. I don't yell to the world "I CAN'T HAVE A BABY, SO LEAVE ME ALONE" though sometimes I wish I could. There are so many amazing stories out there. Couples that have a surprise pregnancy after years of trying, IUI/IVF successes, adoption stories. No matter what situation you are in regarding infertility and TTC, you will find at least one couple that went through the exact same thing as came out of it with a family. Maybe not in the way they thought, but life's surprises tend to be life's greatest moments.
So for 2011 instead of spending more months and more years doing the same thing we have done for the past decade, we decided to START with the infertility specialist & the testing. To get that out of the way and get some answers! We are going for anything they tell us. If IVF is the first and only option, then that's what we'll do. I will worry about how to pay for it then. Money is just money in the end. So I have hope because with so many successes out there, it is almost impossible not to. Cynicism never got anyone anywhere. There is just no point to it! So my secret goal for the year, is to live with optimism :)
Today marks my 4th and final weigh in for this month! I have been "dieting" for 4 weeks now!
I have lost a total of 14.4 lbs... I went from 259.5 to 245.1.. pretty good for 1 month! I don't remember the exact numbers but I lost somewhere around 6 lbs the first week (probably a lot of water weight), 4 lbs the second week, not much the third, and a couple more lbs during this 4th week. I am learning a lot about good vs bad foods, what "healthy" foods I like, and good substitutes for my favorite "bad" foods. I eat a lot more fruit & veggies now, salads, low-fat cheeses, whole wheat bread, and lots more fiber!
Ok so now to the second part of my update!
Do you remember how I said we came up with a new plan.. no TTC'ing this year, but starting again in 2011 full-force? Well that's still happening! I know it will be hard not to "try" but it will be worth it! Basically there are several reasons for doing it this way. First, we need the break! Secondly, we are trying to improve our finances, buy a 2nd car, and buy a small house. We probably won't do all of that in just one short year, but we can at least start saving money and paying off debt. It will make everything much easier in the long run! And lastly, I am spending this year losing weight & getting healthy.. which you already know!
It's still hard. I still have moments where I feel like all there is in my head is screaming. Days where I snap at everyone for nothing and nobody knows why.. mostly they think I'm just a moody bitch, which is fine. It's an easier explanation than the truth sometimes. With explanations come questions, and quite frankly I'm not ready for that part. Having to tell everyone our story, over and over again. A few friends know and I have been lucky because they have been nothing but supportive. My mom and stepdad and stepsister know everything.. they have been amazing! I even told my Dad.. kind of. He did the typical male grunt, the official act of being awkward and uncomfortable. I smiled because he didn't get up and walk away but tried to understand what the hell I was talking about. We don't talk much anyways, so I'm sure he was more surprised by that than anything I was saying. I mean you have to figure most people with half a brain can figure it out. We have been married almost 10 years, no kids. Everyone knows I miscarried 5 years ago and no news since then. Nobody thinks I don't want kids, I don't hide the fact. Not one person I have told has given me the "What?!" response.
I have been reading a lot of Infertility blogs recently. And even though we have been TTC for longer, we haven't been through near as much as these couples. Really no procedures (other than my LAP), no needles, no tests. All of the emotional pain is the same.. but different somehow. I can't really place the difference, it just is. I think everyone deals with infertility differently. Some use it as fuel to try harder, seek options, do what they have to do. Others use it as an escape and hide how they feel. The third way is to leave the pain on your shoulder for everyone to see. I don't know if there is a wrong or right way to feel. For me I guess I choose option 4. Sometimes I let it get to me, when I overthink things. But in those moments I lash out and people don't know WHY I am doing it. I don't yell to the world "I CAN'T HAVE A BABY, SO LEAVE ME ALONE" though sometimes I wish I could. There are so many amazing stories out there. Couples that have a surprise pregnancy after years of trying, IUI/IVF successes, adoption stories. No matter what situation you are in regarding infertility and TTC, you will find at least one couple that went through the exact same thing as came out of it with a family. Maybe not in the way they thought, but life's surprises tend to be life's greatest moments.
So for 2011 instead of spending more months and more years doing the same thing we have done for the past decade, we decided to START with the infertility specialist & the testing. To get that out of the way and get some answers! We are going for anything they tell us. If IVF is the first and only option, then that's what we'll do. I will worry about how to pay for it then. Money is just money in the end. So I have hope because with so many successes out there, it is almost impossible not to. Cynicism never got anyone anywhere. There is just no point to it! So my secret goal for the year, is to live with optimism :)
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Weight Loss Update
I'm still working on losing those 100 lbs! I have lost a little over 12 lbs. so far this year, so 87 to go! 12% of my goal is pretty good for 3 weeks. I know it's slowing down, but it's nice to get below the 250's again!
Friday, January 15, 2010
29... Almost
First off, we are still NTNP until further notice. But I come to you with an actual kind of set-in-stone plan! Basically it started with a conversation at work, as many things these days do!
A newish co-worker friend is turning 30 this year, and I am turning 29. I guess it's the first time it's hit me that in a little over a month I will be 29! Holy crap! She doesn't know our history, so she asked pretty casual.. are you guys going to have kids? No offense taken, she had no idea. It didn't upset me or send me over the edge. I just said I would tell her about it later (there is always an audience at work). Anyways, it got me thinking.. I have been married for almost 10 years. 10 years this June! I got married at 19 so you would think kids would come soon. I can't believe a DECADE later we are still childless (childfree is probably a kinder phrase). It just goes to show you never know what will or won't happen.
I went back to working and for the next hour went over our history together (mine and DH's) kind of trying to come up with a plan for the future, based on the mistakes of the past. If you can't learn from your mistakes, then what's the point of being human right? So I figure I have until I am 35 before it gets impossible to conceive, even with treatments. This is what I came up with:
For the entire year of 2010 we keep trying to lose weight and get healthy. Pay off some debt, save some money.
In 2011 we go back to TTC, see an RE (instead of a regular gyno... ugh) and be aggressive with TTC for the next 5 years.
In 2016 I will turn 35 and I think that is a good point to stop and look towards adoption. If we can't get PG in a total of 15 years then I'm sorry but.. it's not going to happen!
I sound happy and content, I'm really not.. just running on extra endorphins from my workout, lol.
And to those of my followers from the 3+ FF group... I am not paying my VIP membership anymore which is why I haven't been there. Good luck to all of you!
A newish co-worker friend is turning 30 this year, and I am turning 29. I guess it's the first time it's hit me that in a little over a month I will be 29! Holy crap! She doesn't know our history, so she asked pretty casual.. are you guys going to have kids? No offense taken, she had no idea. It didn't upset me or send me over the edge. I just said I would tell her about it later (there is always an audience at work). Anyways, it got me thinking.. I have been married for almost 10 years. 10 years this June! I got married at 19 so you would think kids would come soon. I can't believe a DECADE later we are still childless (childfree is probably a kinder phrase). It just goes to show you never know what will or won't happen.
I went back to working and for the next hour went over our history together (mine and DH's) kind of trying to come up with a plan for the future, based on the mistakes of the past. If you can't learn from your mistakes, then what's the point of being human right? So I figure I have until I am 35 before it gets impossible to conceive, even with treatments. This is what I came up with:
For the entire year of 2010 we keep trying to lose weight and get healthy. Pay off some debt, save some money.
In 2011 we go back to TTC, see an RE (instead of a regular gyno... ugh) and be aggressive with TTC for the next 5 years.
In 2016 I will turn 35 and I think that is a good point to stop and look towards adoption. If we can't get PG in a total of 15 years then I'm sorry but.. it's not going to happen!
I sound happy and content, I'm really not.. just running on extra endorphins from my workout, lol.
And to those of my followers from the 3+ FF group... I am not paying my VIP membership anymore which is why I haven't been there. Good luck to all of you!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Weight Loss Blog
Just much to update over here. Still on a break.. probably for about a year!
I'm starting my "diet" on January 1st, 2010. I created a new blog just for my weight loss since I will probably be posting often and I don't want to fill this one up.
Here it is if you want to add it: http://onehundredin365days.blogspot.com/
Other than that not much is going on! DH is going back on supplements in the beginning of the year. So we are both going to lose weight, take vitamins, and cut back on caffeine. If in a year his numbers haven't gone up, we will go to an RE and see about getting IVF. Until then we can't really do much.
I'm starting my "diet" on January 1st, 2010. I created a new blog just for my weight loss since I will probably be posting often and I don't want to fill this one up.
Here it is if you want to add it: http://onehundredin365days.blogspot.com/
Other than that not much is going on! DH is going back on supplements in the beginning of the year. So we are both going to lose weight, take vitamins, and cut back on caffeine. If in a year his numbers haven't gone up, we will go to an RE and see about getting IVF. Until then we can't really do much.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Honest Scrap Award - and 10 Honest things..
... about myself!
I got this award from my new infertility buddy over at The Desire of My Heart. She definitely deserved the honest scrap award!
So first here are the rules:
1) Thank the person who gave you the award. List their blog and link to it. (I don't know how to link it!)
2) Share "10 Honest Things" about yourself. (See below.)
3) Present this award to 7 others whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged you. (Also below.)
4) Tell those 7 people they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award. (Just as soon as I post this...)
10 Honest things about myself:
1. My job has made me realize my OCD tendencies. I have to have all my tools in a very specific order on my desk. Each one is in order first of how often I use it, then in which I order I use it, lol. When I put them back after using them, they always go in the right place. If they get mixed up, I will rearrange them before doing anything else. I hope nobody has noticed..
2. I hate odd numbers, and I love symmetry. Absolutely everything has to be symmetrical. If I have 3 pictures on the wall, I will find a 4th one to put up, then keep re-hanging them until they are all completely evenly spaced.
3. Everything I know I learned from Wikipedia. Seriously. If you asked me some random question and I knew the answer, I must have read about it at some point on Wikipedia.
4. I only blog when I'm in a good mood. If I'm feeling sad or depressed or down about something, I will not blog or write in my journal or whatever. I will wait until it passes, then come on here and post about what happened.
5. The cup is half-full. Always. No matter what happens or doesn't happen, there is always an alternative out there somewhere.
6. I'm a dreamer. Everyone knows this already. I live in a fantasy land of completely unrealistic goals. It helps me pass the time, and gives me something to look forward to, no matter how ridiculous my dreams can be at times.
7. I always talk about what I will do when I win the lottery, I plan it all out in my head. But I have never actually played the lottery... I think I am missing a step..
8. I'm a slob. A lazy slob. I never pick up after myself and the only time my house is clean is when I know someone is coming over. If you pick me up at my house, I will only open the door a crack and will refuse to let you come in unless I have cleaned first :)
9. I find grocery shopping revolting. If I could choose getting a shot in the ass every day over grocery shopping, I would totally do it.
10. I am way undomesticated. I never clean except when I have company. I go about 6 months between dusting the wood furniture. I might wash my sheets once a month. If that. I throw the colors in with the whites when I do laundry, and I have definitely shrunk or "pinked" my fair share. One time I had to buy Nate an entirely new wardrobe because I effed up all his clothes in one fell swoop. Oops!
Ok that's all :) I tried to pick 10 things that most people don't know about me. Actually I thought of a bunch. I didn't know I was so secretive. I prefer to say mysterious. And yes, I really do talk like that. I could never move away from So Cal and not expect everyone to know where I come from. I sound like a 14-yr old valley girl.
I got this award from my new infertility buddy over at The Desire of My Heart. She definitely deserved the honest scrap award!
So first here are the rules:
1) Thank the person who gave you the award. List their blog and link to it. (I don't know how to link it!)
2) Share "10 Honest Things" about yourself. (See below.)
3) Present this award to 7 others whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged you. (Also below.)
4) Tell those 7 people they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award. (Just as soon as I post this...)
10 Honest things about myself:
1. My job has made me realize my OCD tendencies. I have to have all my tools in a very specific order on my desk. Each one is in order first of how often I use it, then in which I order I use it, lol. When I put them back after using them, they always go in the right place. If they get mixed up, I will rearrange them before doing anything else. I hope nobody has noticed..
2. I hate odd numbers, and I love symmetry. Absolutely everything has to be symmetrical. If I have 3 pictures on the wall, I will find a 4th one to put up, then keep re-hanging them until they are all completely evenly spaced.
3. Everything I know I learned from Wikipedia. Seriously. If you asked me some random question and I knew the answer, I must have read about it at some point on Wikipedia.
4. I only blog when I'm in a good mood. If I'm feeling sad or depressed or down about something, I will not blog or write in my journal or whatever. I will wait until it passes, then come on here and post about what happened.
5. The cup is half-full. Always. No matter what happens or doesn't happen, there is always an alternative out there somewhere.
6. I'm a dreamer. Everyone knows this already. I live in a fantasy land of completely unrealistic goals. It helps me pass the time, and gives me something to look forward to, no matter how ridiculous my dreams can be at times.
7. I always talk about what I will do when I win the lottery, I plan it all out in my head. But I have never actually played the lottery... I think I am missing a step..
8. I'm a slob. A lazy slob. I never pick up after myself and the only time my house is clean is when I know someone is coming over. If you pick me up at my house, I will only open the door a crack and will refuse to let you come in unless I have cleaned first :)
9. I find grocery shopping revolting. If I could choose getting a shot in the ass every day over grocery shopping, I would totally do it.
10. I am way undomesticated. I never clean except when I have company. I go about 6 months between dusting the wood furniture. I might wash my sheets once a month. If that. I throw the colors in with the whites when I do laundry, and I have definitely shrunk or "pinked" my fair share. One time I had to buy Nate an entirely new wardrobe because I effed up all his clothes in one fell swoop. Oops!
Ok that's all :) I tried to pick 10 things that most people don't know about me. Actually I thought of a bunch. I didn't know I was so secretive. I prefer to say mysterious. And yes, I really do talk like that. I could never move away from So Cal and not expect everyone to know where I come from. I sound like a 14-yr old valley girl.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
It's Time.
For a break. It's actually been a while since we have taken one. It used to be we would try for 2 months, then take a month off, and so on. I'm not giving up, just giving us a little breather.
Basically it comes down to this. I ovulated nearly 10 days later than I usually do, and my CM wasn't even close to what it should be. Based on my CM during O, it was IMPOSSIBLE to get PG, even if DH's swimmers were in the billions. It would never happen that way.
The only thing I can think is that my weight is finally catching up to me, and causing my O to be delayed, which definitely can happen. My choices are either to go back on Clomid or lose weight. The first alternative is a very very very last resort. I was miserable on Clomid, and I would like to avoid it at all costs. Plus losing weight could be beneficial in all areas of my life.
So for now, DH is going to be taking FB and do another SA in the beginning of next year. There isn't much else we can do at this point. If it gets to that, we may have to give up TTC indefinitely, until we can save enough money for IVF, which on average is about $20,000 after all the meds and everything, each try! We would only get one go at it. If it fails, that's it.
I have 100 lbs to lose to be "average" weight for my height, which at 5'7 is 150, though I should be a little less than that. But when I weighed 140, I was in a size 8, so around there is fine by me. I lost 4 lbs so far, in 3 days. So wish me luck.. again. I have tried a gazillion times, but last night when I had a wicked craving, I told myself why I had to do this, and it helped.
Basically it comes down to this. I ovulated nearly 10 days later than I usually do, and my CM wasn't even close to what it should be. Based on my CM during O, it was IMPOSSIBLE to get PG, even if DH's swimmers were in the billions. It would never happen that way.
The only thing I can think is that my weight is finally catching up to me, and causing my O to be delayed, which definitely can happen. My choices are either to go back on Clomid or lose weight. The first alternative is a very very very last resort. I was miserable on Clomid, and I would like to avoid it at all costs. Plus losing weight could be beneficial in all areas of my life.
So for now, DH is going to be taking FB and do another SA in the beginning of next year. There isn't much else we can do at this point. If it gets to that, we may have to give up TTC indefinitely, until we can save enough money for IVF, which on average is about $20,000 after all the meds and everything, each try! We would only get one go at it. If it fails, that's it.
I have 100 lbs to lose to be "average" weight for my height, which at 5'7 is 150, though I should be a little less than that. But when I weighed 140, I was in a size 8, so around there is fine by me. I lost 4 lbs so far, in 3 days. So wish me luck.. again. I have tried a gazillion times, but last night when I had a wicked craving, I told myself why I had to do this, and it helped.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
